Friendly talk
by 6-4 pilot
Summary: During his bachelor party, Goblin Slayer speaks to Lizard Priest about his unorthodox marriage.


**Some tavern**

* * *

"Three cheers for the Goblin Slayer!" Yelled Dwarf shaman as he drank another cup of Fire wine. The lizard priest just chuckled a bit before eating his cheese-covered meat with awe and content. Spearman just grinned before drinking his own cup, completely hammered, unlike Heavy Swordsman, who was still sober somehow. Goblin Slayer, the man of the hour, just stayed silent, his drink left untouched. If Goblin Slayer was any normal man, he would be wondering how in the hell he got caught in this. And to be fair, he might have wondered back before he met Priestess, but after months of being with a party, he long got use to the antics of being with friends and allies. Even if his own were rowdier, or vain in Spearman's case, than most. "For being the brave bastard for marrying not one! Not two! Not even three! But four women! May the gods have mercy on your soul. And your body for that matter." As the three others laughed at that, Goblin Slayer thought back to how this came to be.

Some god must have been scheming to give him a chance to have a family again or scheming to bring him down for all the Goblins he's killed via a cruel and ironic way to go. Because Inspector, curse her, had made a proposal to the women that had a crush on him to share him. Because if they truly love him and were friends with the other women that loved him, then they wouldn't mind sharing him. To her surprise and horror, they actually agreed and dragged him away to a room to discuss schedule and what to do. When they came back, the women were clinging onto his armored frame. Inspector would have apologized, she hadn't actually thought that they'll actually share Goblin Slayer, but one glance from Goblin Slayer stopped her. Even though the man was alright with the idea of Polygamy, he honestly didn't give a damn if a man had two wives or vice versa, he gave her a cold stare from him for a week, with his helmet on. Proper punishment and payback.

Now stuck in a relationship with four women and no way to know what to do, Goblin Slayer went to his other friends or acquaintances for advice. Needless to say, aside from one, the advice they gave him was worthless.

When Spearman heard that Guild girl was in a relationship with Goblin Slayer and that he had a Polygamy, the man drank for 3 days straight and didn't talk to him for a week. Fortunately, his, if it could even be called that, friendship with the vain spear wielder was still intact because Witch got him out of his depression streak and had him talk with Goblin Slayer again. To his surprise, a few days after they finally talked after a week, the two were holding hands with Witch being clingy to Spearman. He suppose he shouldn't be surprised with their relationship, Witch had a crush on Spearman and was always annoyed when he focused so much on Guild Girl, but now with her taken, it seemed that Spearman started to take in his partner more, much to her delight. Going back to the advice thing, Spearman just thanked him for showing him that Witch was interested in him, even though Goblin Slayer didn't do anything, at all, to help him break out of his density.

With him providing nothing, Goblin went to Heavy Swordsman, which turned out to be a bad idea as the moment she saw him, Female Knight tried to beat up to a pulp. Given she was trying to be a paladin, the woman took an offense to Goblin Slayer's little harem. It was only through Heavy Swordsman calming her down and Goblin Slayer's promise to keep the women happy, that female knight talked to him again. Unfortunately, they didn't provide much other than to make than happy while also not placing his foot down when it's necessary. He would have gone to Apprentice Cleric and Rookie Warrior, but they were far too young to give him any real advice. And Cow girl's uncle was kind of crossed off with him due to his niece being involved in this little weird wedding thing. Not to the extent of Spearman's anger, but enough to not talk with him for a while.

With all his human allies used up, he went to his nonhuman ones. He first went to Dwarf Shaman. He heard the Dwarfs allowed Polygamy in their ranks, so he was sure that the man would provide him some useful advice. To his minor annoyance, the Dwarf simply laughed his laughed off and congratulated the man. The only advice he gave was to make them all happy, something that even Goblin Slayer knew he had to do.

His saving grave, however, came in the form of Lizard Priest. Despite his people looking down on Polygamy like relations, it was allowed if a warrior had performed many great deeds to deserve such a prestige. Given that Goblin Slayer was willing to sacrifice himself to save his party, no matter their use, and unwilling to let any sort of insults to phase him for working to keep the Goblin population in check, Lizard Priest was fine with his relation. When Goblin Slayer asked for what his opinion was, the lizard simply smiled. He then told Goblin Slayer that he would have been an awful friend if he allowed as something as a Polygamy, so long as all parties are for it, to ruin their friendship. He also said that it would be hypocritical of him to ridicule him when he was fine that his own brother had his own harem, much to Goblin Slayer's surprise.

When asked, Lizard Priest told Goblin Slayer to treat it more special than any other relation he had with others. To treat each woman affectionally. And to never treat one more special than the other. His brother made that mistake once and Lizard Priest winced when he remembered the yelling that occurred. He had to be the mediator to help mend relations between his brother and the women in his life. Thanking Priest, Goblin Slayer then asked him if he should take other quests that didn't involve Goblins.

Lizard Priest said that he should with Dwarf Shaman agreeing. Though he wouldn't like doing such quests, simply because it was his life mission to rid the world of Goblins, or at least keep their population in check, Lizard Priest reminded him that one of the duties of a spouse is to do stuff that they dislike in order to keep their significant other happy, something that made sense in Goblin Slayer's mind. He also said that there simply weren't enough quests that involve exterminating Goblins to help him financially now that he had four wives, something that Goblin Slayer reluctantly agreed with. So, much to the delight of High Elf Archer, the party of five had started to diversify their line of work, though they always took any available Goblin exterminating quest whenever they appeared. Goblin Slayer will always be obsessed with killing Goblins after all.

Going back to the present, Goblin Slayer looked at his wine before thinking of the women and what they were doing in their own party. It was probably something much quieter than his own.

"Thinking about them, sir Goblin Slayer?" Asked Lizard Priest, having finished his meal and was now waiting for seconds.

"Yeah." Said Goblin Slayer before drinking the fire wine. The Dwarven brew giving him a burning feeling as it went down his throat and to his stomach. "They're probably having a quieter time than we are." Lizard Priest just nodded at that, eyeing Dwarf Shaman winning a drinking contest against Spearman, who was now slumped on the table, snoring loudly.

"I will not deny that they're probably having a more peaceful celebration than ours." Said Lizard Priest. "Most of our ranks are, after all, the rowdier parts of our party or acquaintances. Still, I imagine there will be much…,how do humans say it, flushed faces from teasing." Thinking of Priestess and how easy it was to cause her to blush along with Guild Girl, Goblin Slayer nodded.

"Yeah." Said Goblin Slayer. "Still can't believe this is happening to me. Never thought I would be a married man. Don't know if I should feel happy or nervous." Lizard Priest nodded at that.

"All understandable." Said Lizard Priest. "My brother felt the same when we had a celebration prior to his marriage. ***Chuckles* **I had to calm him down in order to just speak to him." Lizard Priest then sighed in content. "That was a good celebration and a good marriage." He then looked at his friend with a smile. "If you want my advice, steel your nerves and think of the marriage like a normal duty. If that doesn't help, I can brew a potion that may help with calming yourself on the big day." Goblin Slayer shook his head.

"No. I can handle it. Wonder what my sister will think of this." Lizard Priest adopted a sobor look. He knew of Goblin Slayer's sister and of her terrible fate. He told them all just days before this all happened. The shock, horror, and sympathy for him was great that day. It made them all in his party understand why he was so obsessed with Goblins and his desire to wipe them off the face of the planet. It also explained why he had been, for most of his adventuring career, that he worked alone. He was afraid of being attached to people again, only for them to be violently taken away from him again. Lizard Priest feared what would happen if High Elf Archer, Priestess, Cow Girl, or Guild girl would be taken by Goblins and raped. He was certain that Goblin Slayer would become a recluse again and become even more obsessed with Goblins, to the detriment of his health. That thought made Lizard Priest vow to keep them from harms way. Both as a friend and as a decent Lizardman.

"Well," Started Lizard Priest, holding his chin with his left hand. "Based on what you told me of her, I think that she would be fine with this unusual marriage. If she's as sweet and caring as you describe her, then I think that she would be fine with it. Besides," He then donned a sad smile. "I think that she, at the very least, would be happy that you have a family again." Goblin Slayer didn't say a word, just looking at his drink, watching it rumble from Heavy Swordsman banging the table, a result of Dwarf Shaman sharing some stories with the man that caused him to laugh hard. After a minute, Goblin Slayer looked at Lizard Priest. Though he couldn't see it, the Lizardman knew that Goblin Slayer was smiling behind his helmet.

"I think she would." Said Goblin Slayer. "Thanks. For everything." Lizard Priest smiled at that.

"Always willing to help a friend out." Said Lizard Priest, placing a hand on Goblin Slayer's shoulder. "If you need more advice or you need a 3rd party when an argument threatens to ruin what you have, just come to be. I've learned a thing or two with my brother and his wives." Goblin Slayer nodded at that.

"I'll keep that in mind." Said Goblin Slayer before finally drinking his wine. After he drank it all, he asked Lizard Priest a question. "You have a special someone waiting at home for you?" Lizard Priest chuckled.

"I'm afraid not." Said Lizard Priest. "I'm, unfortunately, still waiting for the right one. Hopefully it'll be soon. I would like for our children to play at around the same age." Goblin Slayer nodded at that. The thought of seeing human children playing with Lizardman children was something that amused Goblin Slayer.

"You'll probably find one that knows how to make good cheese and ice cream." Said Goblin Slayer, going asking for more wine from the waitress that brought Lizard Priest cheese covered food.

"Well." Said Lizard Priest with a cheeky smile. "That will a blessing from the gods if my mate does know how to make that exquisite ambrosia."

"I'll help teach the lucky girl on how to make it." Said Goblin Slayer, drinking his wine. "And Cow Girl will help with the ice cream. We'll also bring some cheese to your wedding. A cartful." Upon hearing that, Lizard Priest looked at his friend with hungry eyes.

"The same one that you use when your friend delivers food to the adventure hall?" Asked Lizard Priest, stunned with his friend's generosity.

"Yup." Said Goblin Slayer, bracing himself. Upon the acknowledgement, Lizard Priest moaned in content while slamming his tail on the floor with such strength that it caused their table to shake. After calming down he looked at his friend with appreciation.

"That is a gift that will even make the gods jealous!" Exclaimed Lizard Priest. "Thank you, sir Goblin Slayer. As thanks, I'll pray to the gods for a long and happy marriage between you and your wives." Goblin Slayer nodded his thanks.

"Speaking of them, wonder what they're doing now?" Asked Goblin Slayer, wondering what the girls were doing.

* * *

**Meanwhile**

* * *

"Come on!" Whined High Elf as she was leaning on Guild Girl, who was keeping a mug of Fire wine from the elven archer. "Just one more!"

"You said that for the last two drinks!" Said Guild girl, keeping the mug from High Elf Archer. "Anymore and you're going to get alcohol poisoning! And I won't let you delay the biggest day of our lives just because you want another drink."

"I can handle it!" Yelled High Elf Archer as she tried to take the drink, only for Priestess and Cow girl to hold her back by grabbing her arms and dragging her away. "Come on. You two!?" As the elf complained to her fellow brides to be, Witch smiled at the display, amused at what she was seeing. Female Knight, meanwhile, was wondering what their male counterparts were doing.

* * *

**Goblin Slayer's bachelor party**

* * *

"Whatever it is they're doing, I'm sure that its far quieter than what we are having." Said Lizard Priest, eyeing Heavy Swordsman and Dwarf Shaman having another drinking contest, the human swordsman being surprisingly resilient to the strength of Fire wine, much to the Dwarf Shaman's interest as he now had a worthy drinking partner.

"Probably." Said Goblin Slayer before drinking his last drink as a free man.


End file.
